Edges of Thought

It is dark all around with lights flashing like fireflies everyone is in their own heaven ,some are high on spirits ,some are high on music. And, I am high with my thoughts looking at everyone standing above all, at the edge of the roof feeling the slow pushes of cool breeze, trying to take me away but I am already taken away by my thoughts . I am trying to figure out why I can’t fly, why I can’t go free like a bird when I have much more strength in my arms than those fragile wings ,when I have more power than those tiny little birds ,standing at the edge of the 8th floor balcony ,trying to figure out why I can’t when they can . You must be thinking that I am high and behaving like a drunk teenager, yup I am drunk, with my past, I am high with my helplessness, trying to figure out how to fly because all I know is that this is not the life I am born for ,not to move around someone  from 9 to 8 then, left with nothing to even move . Breathing in those wine-smooth winds, looking at the sky ,tangled in my thoughts,thinking, what is pulling me back from take-off. I want to jump from my place and want to fly , neither high nor away , just want to fly, free like a rolling stone ,like the falling snow ,like those autumn leaves I want to flow like I am born to be free .My thoughts are against each other one want to rise high other want to live free and another one comes in and argue for the reason why I can’t have any of thee. Dueling with my thoughts I realize that there is no one here at the roof, but I am still worried about what if someone come to pull me down ,to make me sit .For a moment my thoughts get disappear and I realize, I am at the edge of the building, around 100 feet above ground and walking like dead who has no clue where is he, and what is he doing .Before I could get off the edges my thoughts again caught me .This time with one more member asking for, do I really want to fly or I just want to feel what the birds feel when the fly .This is not the case only with me, it is about all of us .We all want to do something, all want to fly ,sometime high sometime free but we all want to fly ,without even knowing what is the meaning of flying and what is being free. Always fighting  between these three .I am also fighting with the same demon.Things like this happen when you know you have the fuel to burn,have woods to put on fire but don’t know how to lit it, as there is no spark in them and you have no idea how to get that spark to burn all the three, your ego, your fear and your attitude which works as a bad referee. There is something in this night which is calming my senses and for the first time makes me realize, there is no one to push me down or hold me from falling me free . It is me and only me who is here, high in thoughts ,struggling to fly . It’s too easy to talk about what I want to do ,too easy to frame a schedule ,get motivated ,and even learn how to do what I want to. But the real difficulty lies within yourself ,your fear of what’s next, your expectation of someone else, your comparison of  me and you ,your tears from past that still wet your tissues and your wait for someone else to call you to fly .Really, knowing my fears and going beyond them is not that easy as it sound but at least I can try, so do you, without thinking about whole, just one and one thought of what you want, just feel it, listing to the calling from inside, no fear of change, no comparison of good or bad, no past crying just you and your calling all alone, no missing what is gone, no thinking of what is coming along ,just you the real you, you who want to climb up the rhythms of life ,you who want to catch the shadow of dark ,you and just you trying to know yourself ,living your fears falling and rising high , jumping on the couch of your weakness ,fighting from what’s not yours for being free inside, you growing wings of hope, and running on path you know. No matter away from all or beyond every tree, just know yourself and you will know you are born to rule and set yourself free.

Hopes were tying me in knots, my fear were not letting me breath. I searched for myself and screamed my name with strength, from head to heel. To let myself know my own identity, and realized the feel that, I am born to WRITE MY OWN DESTINY NOT TO COPY, NOT TO STEAL.   


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